- Mother of a bishop:
- Alam mo, nang maging bishop ang anak ko, proud na proud ako tuwing tinatawag siyang "Your Excellency."
- Mother of a cardinal:
- Huwag ka! Nang maging cardinal ang anak ko, para akong nasa ulap kapag tinatawag siyang "Your Eminence."
- Mother of a model hunk:
- Kayo na ang mag-ako! Para akong nasa langit sa tuwing may nakakakita sa anak ko at napapasabing "Oh my god!"
Noah Picked a Wrong CoupleAfter the flood, all the animals from Noah's ark went out in pair – one male, one female – to multiply and populate the earth. In one dark corner, Noah noticed two snakes lingering and cuddling. "Why are you still here?" Noah asked the snakes. "Go! Go out and multiply!" "We can't," said the snakes. "And why is that?" asked Noah. The snakes replied, "We're both male."
Wala TalagaTeacher: Iho, bakit ba laging sabug-sabog 'yang buhok mo? Wala ka bang suklay?
Pupil: Wala po.
Teacher: Bakit 'di ka manghiram sa tatay mo? Wala ba siyang suklay?
Pupil: Wala po siyang buhok.
Jesus SavesJesus and Lucifer accepted a challenge to create the greatest mobile app without using their own powers. Manually, they both entered thousands and thousands of codes. Then suddenly, a power cut happened.
After an hour, the power was restored. Furious, Lucifer banged his computer because he lost all his files. Meanwhile, Jesus continued to work on his app.
"How come you are still working on your app? You're a cheater. You used your power!" Lucifer furiously accused Jesus.
Jesus smiled, "No. I didn't use my power."
"Then how come you didn't lose all your files?" Lucifer stupidly asked.
Jesus replied, "Because Jesus saves!"
ToothpasteDentist: O, nanay, linisin lagi ang pustiso. Kahit dishwashing liquid lang, puede na. 'Di naman kailangang toothpaste.
Patient: Doc, toothpaste na lang din. Ayoko ng dishwashing liquid.
Dentist: Bakit naman?
Patient: Pakiramdam ko kasi, may suot akong plato.
What Day Is SundayJewish: Wow! So this is how Holy Week is in the Philippines. The Filipinos are busy everywhere.
Pinoy: Tama ka diyan, kapatid. Kami lang yata ganito katinding mag-observe ng Holy Week sa buong mundo.
Jewish: I believe your observance of Holy Week starts on Ash Wednesday.
Pinoy: Tama ka diyan! You know some Christian practices. I'm impressed.
Jewish: And it ends on Easter Sunday, right?
Pinoy: Tama ka diyan! Ang galing mo bro!
Jewish: So, what day is Easter Sunday?
Pinoy: It's on Wednesday.